and the hideous cycle continues.
we can't escape it.
but we can't make peace with it either.
what to do what to do?

there are some things i need to say to someone.
because if i don't.
i will continue stewing here.
and i will continue down the disgusting path of anger and nastiness.
i don't like who i've becoming recently.
but i think that has been fading away.
i am so, so inexplicably happy...

but there is so much pent up anger.
at a situation i am quite powerless to change. (of which i find myself in all the time)
unless i remove myself completely.
which i don't know that i have the strength to do.

i wish people could be friendly.
i don't blame people for being sad.
or not liking people.
but i am upset by them being rude.

my nice part is getting sucked out.
and i'm left with this horrible, bitchy yuck person.
who i really hate.

i want to get away.

despite this, i am really quite happy today!
i managed to do my homework!
the first time since at least grade ten really...
i didn't feel sick or tired at the thought of it.
and i practised at home!!!
one of the first times since... haha... for ages! and ageees!
years.
gosh.
that sounds so bad.

i want to find that person.
they're trapped.
maybe i'll go for a walk.